Being me for me, not you

Wow. It’s been quite a while since I blogged, hasn’t it? I guess it’s been a while since I really felt much like taking the effort to share my thoughts with the world. But here we go again…

So here’s what I think I’m learning lately. My “other cult” really has me in constant discovery of myself and challenging myself, and one thing I’ve realized recently is how affected I let myself become by other people’s thoughts or opinions of me, or really – how they receive me. And some people don’t really receive me too well. Don’t get me wrong, most people do. And sometimes, the people that don’t – well, it’s more about what I make up that they’re thinking about me than what they probably really are thinking about me, honestly.

What’s crazy about this, though – is not that I care so much about what other people think about me. It’s that I let them affect who I’m being. Why do I let their opinion make such a difference that I change who I am, and what I think about myself, to make myself better fit into what appeals to them instead of me. Isn’t it more important that I like myself than that everyone else likes me… especially since there’s no way I can be one person and have everyone like me anyway?

And don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t care what you think. I’ll totally listen, and pay attention, and see how you receive me as feedback that might make a difference for me. But I think I’m done beating myself up and changing myself over who you want me to be. Because it’s more important to me that I’m someone that I want to be. And I can be that no matter how you receive me. And if I don’t appeal to you, well then, who’s really got the problem? Not me…