What?  You haven’t heard of gRegorLove?  How is that possible?  He is only the most awesome ladies man around!  You can read the story of gRegorLove right here, but you haven’t gotten the full effect until you get to know him.  I met gRegor sometime in 1999, I believe.  This was back when the chat program ICQ was pretty popular, and I did a search for people living in my zip code at the time.  Oddly enough, gRegor didn’t live in my zip code anymore, but had briefly at one point in time.  We got to chatting off and on for a while, and he eventually invited me to “Club Z” at the now-defunct Sonshine Inn.  So I went, on a Tuesday night, down to Fountain Square, dragging my best friend Seren along with me.  The first time I was there, I didn’t know anyone, and gRegor was so popular that he seemed to always have someone around him, but eventually we connected and introduced ourselves.  Thus the beginning of what I believe will be a lifelong friendship.

I eventually began attending Club Z more regularly, and was also invited to movie nights on Sundays at the “Mecca” (aka the Deckard’s house in Danville) as well as the Bible studies they were holding at the time.  Through gRegor, I made many new friends, including the infamous Deckards and the other two members of the Tridumbverate.  My friendship with him has been the beginning of many things, including five years of trips to Cornerstone, lots of nights at Sonshine Inn, promotion of quite a few local concerts, infinite inside jokes, and a slew of new friends made.

Earlier this year, I moved into a new apartment, my fourth move within the last six or so years.  And even though I only moved across the street within my apartment complex, it was still a huge hassle.  It made me realize that if you really want to find a way to see who your true friends are, just move and ask people to help you.  Nobody ever wants to, and it seems like most people will try to avoid it at all costs.  But selfless friends will always be the first in line to volunteer.  And though it’s not always willingly, gRegor has helped me every time I’ve moved.

If you know gRegor much at all, you know that friendship with him is not something you really ever want to give up.  He is one of the friendliest, kindest, most loving people I have ever met.  I’m not sure it’s possible to find a person that knows what being a friend really means better than him.  And in 2007, we all came close to losing such a great friend.  On a Sunday morning that May, I woke up to voice mail messages from a couple of friends.  gRegor had been watching a movie with them and all of a sudden he started having what they thought was a seizure.  It was actually a problem with his heart, and he had to be taken to the hospital.  Over the course of a few days, many people came to visit him in the hospital.  The prospect was grim, and his condition was very serious.  We weren’t sure if it would turn out okay.  But it did.  Thankfully, gRegor woke up, and eventually made a full recovery.  He now has to wear a pacemaker to protect that big heart of his.

I will never forget the day I got those phone messages and rushed to the hospital.  I knew I was one of few friends he had (at least locally, as a lot of our friends from shortly after the time I met him have now moved to other states) that really knew his parents, and I also probably had more friends in common with him than pretty much anyone, so I took on the responsibility of calling people who knew and loved him to let them know what had happened.  I made A LOT of phone calls that day.  I think pretty much everyone that knows gRegor realizes what a gift he is, and the world definitely wasn’t ready to give him up.  I know I won’t be anytime soon!  I’m very blessed to have had gRegor in my life for about 10 years now and to be able to call him one of my best friends and heroes, and I look forward to many more years of spending time with him.  Love you, gRegorLove! <3

Disclaimer: If you think this could possibly be at you, then you’re right, it is.

To anyone that has ever considered themselves close enough to call me friend…

I’m sorry I hurt you.  I know I did, and it was never really my intention.  Maybe it was something that you just let get to you that you shouldn’t have taken so seriously, or maybe it was just me being selfish and not really caring at the time if you were hurt.  At any rate, I’m sorry.

Did you know you’ve hurt me too?  Maybe you knew that, or maybe you didn’t.  But you have.  More than once.  Maybe you didn’t know you did, or maybe you were just being selfish too.  Or maybe my expectations were too high.  I’ve realized that holding on to my hurt is really hurting me more than you, though, so I forgive you.  It may require me forgiving again and again, so I will try my best to do that.

I wish I could be completely authentic with you.  You don’t and probably never will see all of me.  I have thoughts I don’t share, and things that I’ve done that I’m afraid will make you not want me.  I have insecurities and doubts that I think will make me look like a weaker or lesser person in your eyes.  I have failed you in ways that you don’t even realize.  I have not always spoken up and defended you when someone said something bad about you.  Sometimes it has been easier to remain silent or even to agree.  I’m not sure why that person’s opinion of me meant more than you do, but at the time it apparently did.

I wish you could see what I feel, but I can’t let you in all the way.  I can’t let you see how I beat myself up.  I can’t let you see the failure I think I am, for fear that you will agree and think that about me too, or that you will see how weak I am to doubt myself so much, that I’m not the strong person you had hoped.

Yes, I have judged you.  Yes, I have disagreed with you.  Yes, I have not always liked you.  And I definitely have not always liked the people you choose to spend some of your time with.  Sometimes I just don’t understand you.  And sometimes I have even expressed that to others without telling you.  I know I shouldn’t have feared confrontation with you, but I did.  I was afraid you would get mad, or that you wouldn’t understand.  So instead I just kept silent and let it get between us.

I–Wait, what did you say?  You have judged me too?  And talked about me to others instead of confronting me?  You’ve kept things hidden from me and let stuff come between us too?  You have doubts and fears and insecurities just like I do?  You’ve gotten mad when I haven’t met your expectations?  How could you do that?  What kind of friend are you?

Oh wait.  You’re imperfect.  And messy.  Just like me.  Oops.

So wait, what do I do?  What do you do?  Will we agree on everything someday?  Will we both drop all of our expectations and judgments and selfishness and never make any more mistakes?  Will we both always remember to not take everything so seriously and just let everything roll off our backs?

Or – will we both need to reread this letter again in the future?  I’m sorry I don’t have a “better” answer.  I know I will continue to make mistakes and have expectations.  But I can also continue to forgive, and to love, if that’s what you want.  If you want me, I want you, and I want to call you friend.

(a year later)

I’m sorry I hurt you…

Single (but in a serious relationship) white female looking for additional friends. Must be open to the possibility of being friends forever. Must be willing to be a giver and taker, accepting friendship but offering it as well, taking initiative and not always waiting for it from the other person. Must be loyal and willing to forgive mistakes. Must realize that people are human and sometimes do things that hurt others. If necessary, must be willing to be confrontational and talk about things, even when it’s not easy. Must be willing to accept both busy times as well as times of neediness. When in doubt, must always err on the side of reaching out as a friend. Most important: must really WANT to be friends.

Perfect people need not apply. Serious inquiries only.