Sick again??

This completely and absolutely sucks. I seriously want to cry. I am so damn sick of being sick! What the hell is wrong with me? The beginning of February I got what was suspected to be strep throat by the doctor, but didn't come up as strep on the rapid swab test they do in the doctor's office. So they sent another sample away to a lab, and I never got the results to that test to confirm it was actually strep. But because they were pretty sure it was, they prescribed me an antibiotic accordingly.

A few weeks later, I got sick with what seemed like the exact same thing again. I can't describe to you how miserable it is to have it, whether it was strep or something else. You can barely swallow - it's an effort, and an excruciatingly painful one at that. Both times I was sick with it I lost like 3-5 pounds because I wasn't eating. I just couldn't. It hurt so much to even drink a milkshake. I called the doctor's office and got a prescription for the same antibiotic I was on the first time. The pills are so huge that the second time I got the prescription for them, I had a lot of trouble swallowing them whole and even some trouble swallowing them cut in half. I had to get another prescription for 4 more pills to replace ones that I had to throw away because they got stuck in my throat and I just about choked on them. That's how big my tonsils were.

Both times I was sick I missed 2 days of work, totaling up to 4 missed days. I just started my job in January, and we accumulate sick days. I didn't even have a whole day accumulated when all of this started. So now I've had to take 4 sick days, only 1 of which I've actually accumulated. I'm basically in the hole by 3 days.

And now - I'm sick again. With what I suspect may very possibly be the same damn thing that I've had twice and just gotten over like a week or two ago. Last Wednesday, I started getting a scratchy throat. I started praying that it wasn't strep or whatever again, and I started taking stuff (Airborne, Tylenol Sore Throat, etc.) to try to prevent it from getting any worse. And at first I thought it was working - I wasn't getting any worse. But now, it's Sunday - and my throat is practically killing me yet again.

Maybe I'm just being whiny and playing the victim, but I seriously want to cry. I feel like I'm in this hole that I keep climbing out of (painfully at that) only to keep getting thrown back in again. What's wrong with me? I'm starting to suspect that I may very well have to have a tonsillectomy. Which means for one - surgery that I don't want to have, and am slightly afraid of having. I've never really had surgery before unless you count getting my wisdom teeth removed. And if that's the case, it also means more days of missed work. I'm already worried that I'll have to miss work. I'm so tired of telling them that I'm sick that I'm afraid they're not going to believe me or that there will be some kind of problem since I don't have any of these sick days I'm taking accumulated yet.

*sigh* I feel really frustrated right now. Life doesn't usually get me down quite like this, but I feel like crap, and I'm scared, and really just very frustrated with being sick so much. I'm trying not to let it get me down, but... well, life's a bitch. :(