Show up for your life

Well, where do I begin? I have a lot on my mind right now. I just came from a funeral showing - of a 24-year-old friend of mine who died unexpectedly. And it, along with other recent conversations and things I've been involved with and had on my mind, really caused me to think.

We waste so much of our time and energy in this life. We're selfish, slow, and fearful, among many other things. How much of our lives do we spend just going through the motions? We go to work, come home, watch TV, etc, etc. How aware are you - really - of your life? How present are you in it? You're there - but is your whole being really IN what you're doing each moment?

I've been learning some things about myself lately - becoming more aware of both how I'm perceived as well as learning things about myself that I should've known but somehow just didn't see. One thing I learned was that others perceive me as being closed off and unapproachable. I totally should have seen this - but somehow I just didn't realize it. Or actually I did, but I was pretending not to. I'm glad I'm aware of it now, because closed off and unapproachable is really the last thing I want to be.

Another thing I realized about myself is that I never really give 100% of myself. To anything. This kinda brings me back to what I want to talk about with this blog. Look around. All we really have is our lives. We are not assured of anything beyond right now. (I realize that if you believe in God, you probably believe in some kind of hope after this life, but for now we'll just look at what we know we have and not examine possibilities that we have no absolute proof of their existance.) We have SO MANY opportunities and choices in front of us. And yet it really seems that all too often we just become complacent in our mediocre existence. We're fine with just going through the motions and not really "showing up" for our lives.

This is a cliche question, but take a minute to really, honestly think about it. If you knew that you would die tomorrow - what would you do differently today? And I don't mean things like going sky-diving or anything extreme that you've been planning to get done before you die. I mean - what if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, and you had to live your life today the same? Same job, same friends, seeing the same people, etc. Would you say things to people that you'd never said before but wanted to? Would you be a different person? What would it look like to be MORE of yourself? Would you savor things you usually take for granted? I know I probably would. So the question is, why aren't we doing that now? Why are we wasting our days away?

We're holding ourselves back, and it's silly. And in the end, we'll regret it. We'll probably regret not doing things differently after we die anyway - but why end up regretting the fact that you didn't really LIVE? There are so many things I could go on about here... How we hold back parts of ourselves from people for fear that they will abuse that part of us. How we don't say things for fear of what others might think of what we have to say. How we don't do things because we're afraid that things that happened in our past will happen again. How we don't trust people because we've trusted before and been let down, and we're afraid that will happen again. How we expect so much of people that we're not truly authentic with them because we're afraid they'll disappoint us.

We put so much stock in other people's opinions of us, when, if you look at it, our own opinion of ourselves is all that really matters. For example - you're only a victim if you consider yourself one. If you don't consider yourself one, then you're really not. It's all in how you think of yourself and the circumstances that happen in your life. And honestly - everyone else is probably thinking way more about what they think of themselves than you, anyway.

Can you see how we hinder ourselves? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it for myself, and I'm sick of it for other people. Each of our lives is an individual gift, and all that we know we've been given. So why don't we start showing up for it?


So give me one more shot I'll give it all I've got
Let me open my eyes to a new sunrise I pray
Give me one more chance I'll learn to dance the dance
Well I'm satisfied just being alive give me one more day

(Alabama - Give Me One More Shot)