Happy Mardi Gras!

So for those that are unaware (and apparently live under a rock), today is "Fat Tuesday" aka Mardi Gras. The season of Lent starts tomorrow on Ash Wednesday. I didn't used to celebrate or take part in Lent much at all until the last few years, after making a couple of friends who were Catholic and observed it. I found it interesting, and so decided to start observing it myself the last two or three years.

It's customary to "fast" during Lent by giving up something you enjoy. This year, until Easter when Lent is over, I'm giving up both chocolate and caffeine (in other words, caffeinated drinks). Now (being a girl) I'm a pretty big fan of chocolate. And I'm also a morning coffee drinker and fan of Starbucks, so this should be interesting. I'm preparing to have a pretty nice big headache over the next few days as a result of no caffeine. Unless you're brave, you might want to keep your distance... heh.

So today being Fat Tuesday (typically celebrated by going out and enjoying yourself, especially those things that you're about to start fasting from), I wanted to at the very least go out to dinner with some friends. Jon suggested Yats, an appropriate idea since it's a Cajun (read: New Orleans food) restaurant and they're so big on Mardi Gras. So myself, Lauren, Jon, Doug, and the Broaddi met up in Broad Ripple at Yats. We discovered they were closed to prepare for the Mardi Gras party that evening. So we went to Bazbeaux Pizza for dinner instead. Uh, yeah - where the dinner discussion and talk of what some people were giving up for Lent made me suddenly feel like I was in an episode of Seinfeld. (If you want to know more, ask Jon and Maurice. I'm not sure I'm really at liberty to clarify.)

After dinner, Jon, Lauren, Doug, and I headed back to Yats to check out the party. Doug didn't stay too long, but the rest of us hung around for a bit. It was rocking. Lauren and I managed to pick up some beads (we won't tell how!) and it was free drinks all around. Yay free alcohol! There was no way we could pass that up. Yats seemed to be the happening place for Mardi Gras. Fun was had by all.

So here I am now... to finish up my Fat Tuesday, I had to stop at Starbucks for my last "fix" for a while. I covered all my bases with a peppermint mocha and an espresso brownie. I'm enjoying it now as I prepare for headache central tomorrow. Bleh.

In other news... I'm still working on "getting my head out of my ass" (from the post below). I've got some things in the works, but I'm starting to think maybe I'm not making an effort at the simple things enough - like just communicating more with the people whose paths I cross each day. We all just get so wrapped up in what we're doing, it's easy to forget sometimes that there are other people around us just trying to live their lives too. Anyway...

Enjoy "Fat Tuesday" - it's just about over.

Getting my head out of my ass

My generation (especially singles, it seems) comes across as so selfish sometimes. We think we're entitled to the world served on a silver platter. Everything is always all about us. Our jobs (or lack thereof), our love lives (or lack thereof), our relationships, our interests. Sometimes I think we just need to get our head out of our ass and realize that there's a world out there that doesn't revolve around us.

Yes, life can be frustrating sometimes. But this is the case for everyone - why do we make it sound like we're the only ones with problems, or that our problems are more important than everyone else's? There are certainly people out there with problems far greater than ours. Why do we focus on ourselves so much?

Especially those of us that claim to believe that we're here for a reason. There may not be one definitive reason for why each one of us exist, but there are things we are here to do, that we're instructed to do. As an individual, we may not be able to change the world, but instead of focusing on ourselves at the center of our world, we could start placing more focus on that world that is around us. Heck, even if we don't claim to believe that we're here for a reason, that's still no excuse not to notice that each one of us and our problems are pretty small when compared with the greater problems in the world.

It's not a matter of doing some huge thing to change the whole world. It's more a matter of looking around us (outside of ourselves) to see what we can do to make a difference in our world, the world we've been given, been blessed with. Instead of being so consumed by our lives and our problems, I think if we start to focus on something greater - I think our problems would start to look less disheartening and less important.

I'm pretty guilty of all this myself. I mean, I think I'm less focused on all my problems right now - but only because I've been blessed and don't have as many. I have a good job, money, a car, good friends, a love life, a degree, a place to live, a good church, a good family - and on and on. Things are pretty right in my world, I can't really complain about much. But what am I doing to affect the world around me? Not a whole lot. I've been so busy being caught up in my life and my problems for so long that right now I've pretty much just been enjoying the fact that I don't have as many problems for the moment. Which means - perfect time to stop focusing on myself all the time!

I've spent some time the last year or so figuring out what I think and believe. I think I'm pretty solid now. I'm still learning and growing (and looking for opportunities to learn more), but I think I have a good foundation. I know where I'm at. Not that there isn't always more to learn, but I'm thinking that there's something to be said by learning from doing. Faith without works is dead, right? And I don't feel like I've been doing nearly enough. So I think I'm going to start considering that more. Feel free to hold me accountable to this, too. I'm looking around my world to see where I can make a difference. We'll see what pops up...

(to be continued??)

Love

Yeah, I'm being all Christian-y on here lately. ;)

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

--From 1 Corinthians 13 in The Message

Hide me in the shadow of the cross

A friend of mine wrote this...

You comfort me when I am weak
You understand the mysteries of the deep
Your strength, it cannot be denied
In your shadow, I will hide

Hide me in the shadow of the cross
Where my sin and shame are counted lost
Where I find my peace when confusion surrounds
I was all but lost, and now I'm found

Slowly I rise to my feet
Lift my hands, raise an offering
I sing my praise to God above
A God of hope and a God of love

---

"Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." --Matthew 11:29-30, The Message

---

No, nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. I'm just having one of those days where life just seems kinda heavy and I'm a bit worn out from trying to carry it and keep up with it, you know? I'll be ok.

Simple appreciation

Nothing special today... just simple appreciation for the joy of spending time in life with the people/things that touch you:

- family (love you Sis!)
- books (or getting stuck at the C.S. Lewis shelf at B&N)
- Starbucks (I know they're corporate and overpriced, but I like the fact that I get something different every time I'm there, and I like the whole idea of a coffee shop - promotes conversation)
- the peace that comes from just acknowledging God and taking time out alone to enjoy the fact that he's there and present in a lot more than we usually see

Coffee, a bookstore, time alone to read, as well as time spent with my beautiful sister. How could I ask for a more perfect evening? :-)

That is all.

It's only money, right?

I have... money.

I received the biggest paycheck of my life (so far) today. And I'll get one every 2 weeks from now on. I know money isn't supposed to matter, but when you've been working part-time to get yourself through school for the last several years, and you receive your first paycheck actually paying you what you're worth in your field... well, it almost brings tears to my eyes. Kind of a "wow, it's finally paying off" type of feeling.

I know it's only money - but it made me feel good. :)

And no, you can't have some. There are bills that need to finally be caught up on. Duh. :P

February 1

I'm having a bit of a rough time today.

I was sitting at my desk this morning, and I look up and realize that the calendar I have hanging up in my cube has already been flipped over to February. It's a bit odd, because I know I didn't do this. I know I didn't do it - I'm horrible at remembering to change the calendar. So apparently some kind soul stopped by my desk and did this for me. I'm still kinda wondering who it was. I have hunches, but I'm not quite sure.

I noticed on the calendar that tomorrow was Groundhog Day. I was kind of already aware of this because they've mentioned it on the news in the morning that I see on the TVs when I'm at the gym. It reminded me - today is my grandpa's birthday. His birthday is February 1, and Groundhog Day is the 2nd. I remember my dad talking about how he always had a hard time remembering whether Grandpa's birthday was on the 1st or 2nd of February. He said could never recall who came first, Grandpa or the groundhog. :)

My grandpa died in 2003. He was born in 1911, so he would be 95 today if he were still alive. My grandma died the year before, in 2002. I don't remember crying very much at either of their funerals. One thing I do remember, though, was my cousin Jerry and I talking at my grandma's showing. Jerry and I grew up together, we're a year apart. We decided to go get a bite to eat, and ended up at a restaurant that we used to go to all the time when we were kids. It brought back a lot of memories.

Reading Lauren's last blog post made me think about all this some too. I mourn at weird times as well. I didn't cry very much at my grandparents' funerals, but today I'm having a hard time holding the tears back just sitting here at work. I got to thinking about my grandpa. I haven't really thought too much about how I miss my grandparents, but I realized that I do. Looking back at the last few years of my life, I miss their presence there. Especially my grandpa. He was the gentlest person I've ever known. He wasn't necessarily really outgoing, but everyone that knew him loved him. I don't think I ever saw him upset or even worried unless it was about my grandma. I think in some ways she might've been the more dominant one in their relationship, but he really took care of her. And I know, that if he were here today - he'd be proud of me. I've struggled a bit sometimes with really feeling like my parents are proud of me. Graduating college, getting a job - and they're the ones that I feel like I should really be making proud the most. And yet sometimes I wonder if they really are. But my grandpa - I know he would be.

I really miss family times. I don't get too many anymore. I only really see my immediate family - we're not around anyone else much. I used to be around family a lot more when I was a kid. One of the things I enjoyed and remember most from my trip to visit my family in Phoenix last March was the night we stayed with them and they were all getting ready to go to some get-together. It was a flurry of activity. Activity that is my family. I can't describe it, it's just a matter of me knowing what they're all like and watching them... be themselves, basically. It was fun to watch them and think "hey, they're crazy - but they're my family". And I love them and miss them.

I was planning a trip to the cemetery to visit my grandparents this week anyway. I have been since I moved up here closer to where they're buried. I haven't been to visit them since they passed away. So I think I'll go today. I might cry, I might not. But at least I know I feel. I miss them... I realized that today, thinking about my grandpa. I remember who he was and what it was like talking to him and being around him, and I know I'll never be able to experience that again, at least not on this earth. And knowing that makes me feel pain. But it's a normal pain, a pain that should be there. A grief that's maybe been locked up, not allowed to be let out for quite a while. So maybe now it's time to mourn.

Depressing blog today, huh?

Happy Birthday, Grandpa. I miss you.