The Christian Label

Some conversations that I've had with a friend of mine have prompted some thinking on my part. She pointed out a couple of different things to me. One thing she told me was that I seem like I think I'm somehow different from other people. I know what she means, too. I know the feeling that she's talking about. And I can't say that this is where all of it comes from, but I know that part of it comes from how I grew up - in church.

Now, obviously I can't speak for anyone else but myself here... I'm only speaking for how I grew up and my own experiences. But I know that in general, the way I was taught to see things was that we (Christians) were different from them (non-Christians). That's basically been something that has been pumped into my brain from birth until probably just the last couple of years or so. And I'm really starting to come to the realization of how much I don't like it.

I do think this "us and them" concept has shifted in me in the last couple of years, however. I know that I don't see myself as being different from people who aren't Christians. The way I see it, we're all the same. I don't have any proof that what I believe is any more true than what anyone else believes. And I don't claim that I've got it all right. However - that doesn't negate what I believe. And really - my core beliefs haven't changed in probably - oh, the last 15-20 years, honestly. So don't go thinking that I'm falling into some crazy cult thinking or that, because your interpretation of what I say here doesn't line up with what you think I should believe, I've started to drift away from my faith and that it's your duty to rescue me. Relax. Just because my spiritual journey may not look like yours, doesn't mean I don't still believe in Jesus, ok?

Ok, so here's where I'm at. I don't see myself as different from people who don't claim to be Christians. I see us all being created the same. I see us all having our own brains and ways of interpreting things. I kind of went in to this on my blog about not putting God in a box. So what's the problem, you're wondering? Well - I guess it comes not in ME thinking that I'm different - but in me thinking that OTHER PEOPLE think that I think I'm different. Yeah - crazy, huh?

My friend that I mentioned earlier - another conversation that we had happened because I had gone to her and told her that I wasn't being judgmental of a certain way she chose to live her life. She turned it around on me - wondered why I felt the need to tell her that. Again, she had a good point. Why did I feel the need to tell her that? Well, I got to thinking about it and came to the realization that it was because of this same line of thinking: I thought that other people would assume that since I was a Christian that I was judgmental. And I felt I needed to clear that up - that I wasn't. I guess I thought that people judged me because I was a Christian, and that I needed to defend myself.

I went to this training yesterday morning for an organization that I'm soon to start volunteering at. It was pretty interesting, and I really enjoyed it. One of the things we talked about was labels. See, this organization reaches out to (as you can read on their website) "homeless and at-risk young adults". So these kids tend to get labelled things like "drop out", "gang member", "druggie", etc. And what we want them to know is that they are NOT their label. The illustration we talked about uses a soup can as a visualization. What's actually in the can might not be what's on the label.

Anyway - my point in talking about labels is that I guess I've come to see "Christian" as being just such a label. It seems that to a lot of people it's come to mean someone who is very religious and by the rules, judgmental, and hypocritical. So in a sense - I find myself trying to "tear off" that label to some extent. Now - it's not like I'm trying to say I'm NOT a Christian. I just hate what that word has come to mean to some people - the bad name it's gotten in some circles. It makes me feel sometimes like I need to prove myself - that the same people that I don't want to think of me as being judgmental are in fact being judgmental of me because I profess to be a Christian. (You starting to get a headache yet?)

I'm not quite sure yet what I think of my thought process on this. I don't know that I really like the fact that I find myself thinking of people as being judgmental and then wanting to prove to them that I'm not. Doesn't quite seem to balance out. Yet I'm also not quite sure how to let it go. The fact is - I've grown up being told that I'm different because I'm a Christian. And I'm still trying to shake that. I really don't think I am different, but yet I find myself concerned of what other people will think of me because of my faith. Talking to another friend of mine the other day about how I'm starting to volunteer, I mentioned to him how it was with a "Christian" organization. He pointed out that to him the word "Christian" never even came into play that much in his life, growing up or now. But yet he hears it from me a lot. Of course that made me think even more.

Hmm... I think I might've just figured it out. I think the problem comes with the label itself. I honestly don't think I even need to say that I'm a Christian. Maybe it's about disregarding the label entirely and refusing to label myself. Maybe I'm the one that's making it too much about the label. I'm spending too much time worrying about what people think of me because I'm a Christian instead of spending that time being Christ-like. If I'm really doing that - I have a feeling I won't care too much about what I get labeled. Or at least I won't spend too much time thinking about it.

For all the screw-ups that I love...

Wow. I'm realizing a lot about people lately. And just how little a lot of people think of themselves. Here's a news flash - saying "I'm a screw up" really does absolutely nothing to help you. It doesn't take away the pain you caused, and it doesn't keep you from screwing up again - in fact, it perpetuates it.

It's amazing to me how much people hide behind themselves, too. It's hard to believe right now that you can ever really know anyone. People that I thought I knew aren't the people that I thought I knew at all. Actually - that's not true. I still believe they're the people I thought I knew - unfortunately, the good things about them that I saw they don't seem to see themselves. Or if they do - they see the bad things way more easily. And so they live from that part of themselves, instead of living from the good parts that are there.

In my eyes - everyone (yes, EVERYONE - including you) is a gift to this world. And everyone also screws up at some time or another. Everyone hurts people they care about. What really matters is what you do with that when you do. Do you just accept that about yourself - "yeah, I screwed up. I hurt people I care about, just like I always do. I'm a bad person, and I'm always going to be that way"? Or - do you get defensive about it and lash out at others and make it about them when you know that you're the one that screwed up? Do you say "I screwed up - but you're being too hard on me because you have or would've screwed up too"?

None of those approaches is going to help anyone. Least of all you. You know what the best thing you can do is? Own your mistakes. Take responsibility for them. If you screwed up, you screwed up. You hurt someone you loved - you caused a lot of pain. And you're the one that made the choice to do that - no one else. This isn't about anyone else. It's about you and what you did, so don't try to pull anyone else into it or attack them. So own up to it. Take the beatings that you feel like you're getting from it... whether you feel like you deserve them or not, those beatings are caused by YOUR actions.

And then - move forward. Remember what you did, remember the pain that you caused - but learn from it. You screwed up - you made a mistake. But don't let your mistake define you. Don't let your past dictate your future. You screwed up - doesn't mean you're JUST a screw-up. But if you keep saying that's all you are - well, yeah, you will be. You'll even keep going out to find evidence that you are. And you'll perpetuate a cycle that won't stop until you stop it: you screw up, you tell yourself you're a screw-up, you go out and create more evidence that you are, you screw up again... never ending - until you end it. Just don't tell me that you can't - because that's crap. Everyone has a choice in every new moment. You can stop anytime you want. Or if you choose, you can do the easy thing and keep letting your past dictate who you are and keep being a screw-up. Just don't come whining to me when you feel like people have given up on you - because if you do that, the truth is not that people have given up on you - you've just given up on yourself.

I don't know everyone in the world - but I know that my friends are all better than that. I just hope they start to realize that about themselves.