Some conversations that I've had with a friend of mine have prompted some thinking on my part. She pointed out a couple of different things to me. One thing she told me was that I seem like I think I'm somehow different from other people. I know what she means, too. I know the feeling that she's talking about. And I can't say that this is where all of it comes from, but I know that part of it comes from how I grew up - in church.
Now, obviously I can't speak for anyone else but myself here... I'm only speaking for how I grew up and my own experiences. But I know that in general, the way I was taught to see things was that we (Christians) were different from them (non-Christians). That's basically been something that has been pumped into my brain from birth until probably just the last couple of years or so. And I'm really starting to come to the realization of how much I don't like it.
I do think this "us and them" concept has shifted in me in the last couple of years, however. I know that I don't see myself as being different from people who aren't Christians. The way I see it, we're all the same. I don't have any proof that what I believe is any more true than what anyone else believes. And I don't claim that I've got it all right. However - that doesn't negate what I believe. And really - my core beliefs haven't changed in probably - oh, the last 15-20 years, honestly. So don't go thinking that I'm falling into some crazy cult thinking or that, because your interpretation of what I say here doesn't line up with what you think I should believe, I've started to drift away from my faith and that it's your duty to rescue me. Relax. Just because my spiritual journey may not look like yours, doesn't mean I don't still believe in Jesus, ok?
Ok, so here's where I'm at. I don't see myself as different from people who don't claim to be Christians. I see us all being created the same. I see us all having our own brains and ways of interpreting things. I kind of went in to this on my blog about not putting God in a box. So what's the problem, you're wondering? Well - I guess it comes not in ME thinking that I'm different - but in me thinking that OTHER PEOPLE think that I think I'm different. Yeah - crazy, huh?
My friend that I mentioned earlier - another conversation that we had happened because I had gone to her and told her that I wasn't being judgmental of a certain way she chose to live her life. She turned it around on me - wondered why I felt the need to tell her that. Again, she had a good point. Why did I feel the need to tell her that? Well, I got to thinking about it and came to the realization that it was because of this same line of thinking: I thought that other people would assume that since I was a Christian that I was judgmental. And I felt I needed to clear that up - that I wasn't. I guess I thought that people judged me because I was a Christian, and that I needed to defend myself.
I went to this training yesterday morning for an
organization that I'm soon to start volunteering at. It was pretty interesting, and I really enjoyed it. One of the things we talked about was labels. See, this organization reaches out to (as you can read on their website) "homeless and at-risk young adults". So these kids tend to get labelled things like "drop out", "gang member", "druggie", etc. And what we want them to know is that they are NOT their label. The
illustration we talked about uses a soup can as a visualization. What's actually in the can might not be what's on the label.
Anyway - my point in talking about labels is that I guess I've come to see "Christian" as being just such a label. It seems that to a lot of people it's come to mean someone who is very religious and by the rules, judgmental, and hypocritical. So in a sense - I find myself trying to "tear off" that label to some extent. Now - it's not like I'm trying to say I'm NOT a Christian. I just hate what that word has come to mean to some people - the bad name it's gotten in some circles. It makes me feel sometimes like I need to prove myself - that the same people that I don't want to think of me as being judgmental are in fact being judgmental of me because I profess to be a Christian. (You starting to get a headache yet?)
I'm not quite sure yet what I think of my thought process on this. I don't know that I really like the fact that I find myself thinking of people as being judgmental and then wanting to prove to them that I'm not. Doesn't quite seem to balance out. Yet I'm also not quite sure how to let it go. The fact is - I've grown up being told that I'm different because I'm a Christian. And I'm still trying to shake that. I really don't think I am different, but yet I find myself concerned of what other people will think of me because of my faith. Talking to another friend of mine the other day about how I'm starting to volunteer, I mentioned to him how it was with a "Christian" organization. He pointed out that to him the word "Christian" never even came into play that much in his life, growing up or now. But yet he hears it from me a lot. Of course that made me think even more.
Hmm... I think I might've just figured it out. I think the problem comes with the label itself. I honestly don't think I even need to say that I'm a Christian. Maybe it's about disregarding the label entirely and refusing to
label myself. Maybe I'm the one that's making it too much about the label. I'm spending too much time worrying about what people think of me because I'm a Christian instead of spending that time
being Christ-like. If I'm really doing that - I have a feeling I won't care too much about what I get labeled. Or at least I won't spend too much time thinking about it.
